1 00:00:07,433 --> 00:00:08,600 Hot in Cleveland is recorded 2 00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:10,300 in front of a live studio audience. 3 00:00:10,300 --> 00:00:12,467 (man) Please take your seats. We've closed the doors 4 00:00:12,467 --> 00:00:13,867 and begun preparations for our flight to Paris. 5 00:00:13,867 --> 00:00:16,700 Thank God. I made it. 6 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:21,167 Ohh... 7 00:00:21,167 --> 00:00:23,933 Actually, that was mine. 8 00:00:23,933 --> 00:00:26,367 But you look like you needed it more than I did. 9 00:00:26,367 --> 00:00:28,767 I'm so, so sorry. 10 00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:32,833 I promise I won't touch any of your cashews. 11 00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:34,967 'Cept this one, 'cause I haven't eaten all day. 12 00:00:34,967 --> 00:00:36,033 Help yourself. 13 00:00:36,033 --> 00:00:38,267 - I'm Tom. - Oh, Melanie. 14 00:00:38,267 --> 00:00:40,300 Boy, have I had a crazy day. 15 00:00:40,300 --> 00:00:41,533 What happened? 16 00:00:41,533 --> 00:00:43,100 It's a long story. 17 00:00:43,100 --> 00:00:44,967 Well, it's a long flight, nine hours. 18 00:00:44,967 --> 00:00:46,700 Not that you'd talk for that long. 19 00:00:46,700 --> 00:00:49,733 You don't know me very well. 20 00:00:49,733 --> 00:00:50,967 Go for it. 21 00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:53,500 Okay, well, first I have to set things up. 22 00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:55,567 Six years ago, my friends and I 23 00:00:55,567 --> 00:00:56,967 were on a plane just like this 24 00:00:56,967 --> 00:00:58,300 flying to Paris. 25 00:00:58,300 --> 00:01:00,300 But that plane crash-landed. 26 00:01:00,300 --> 00:01:02,567 Oh, but, you know, get that out of your mind. 27 00:01:02,567 --> 00:01:03,800 It would ruin the flight 28 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:05,333 if the whole time you're thinking, 29 00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:08,333 "What if this girl's a jinx and this plane crashes?" 30 00:01:08,333 --> 00:01:11,733 I wasn't thinking that. Until now. 31 00:01:12,933 --> 00:01:15,567 Anyway, we landed safely in Cleveland, 32 00:01:15,567 --> 00:01:18,433 and then we ended up living there. 33 00:01:18,433 --> 00:01:20,467 And tomorrow, my dear, sweet friend Joy 34 00:01:20,467 --> 00:01:23,067 is gonna have her dream wedding in Paris. 35 00:01:23,067 --> 00:01:26,400 We knew everything was gonna change, so... 36 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:29,633 yesterday we decided to just put that out of our minds 37 00:01:29,633 --> 00:01:33,067 and just have the most fun bachelorette party. 38 00:01:34,633 --> 00:01:36,533 No, no, no! 39 00:01:36,533 --> 00:01:39,167 The rule of the evening is no tears. 40 00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:41,633 Whenever we feel sad, let's just remember 41 00:01:41,633 --> 00:01:43,767 my fabulous wedding in Paris 42 00:01:43,767 --> 00:01:46,933 that people are flying to from all over the world... 43 00:01:46,933 --> 00:01:48,733 and Canada. 44 00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:51,167 (all) To Paris! 45 00:01:51,167 --> 00:01:53,067 Ah...I'm gonna pull another card 46 00:01:53,067 --> 00:01:55,600 from the bachelorette party question deck. 47 00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:56,867 Okay, everyone. 48 00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:59,633 "What was the best sex you ever had?" 49 00:01:59,633 --> 00:02:00,967 It's Bob. 50 00:02:00,967 --> 00:02:02,567 Honestly, he's made me forget 51 00:02:02,567 --> 00:02:04,333 every other man I've ever slept with. 52 00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:09,067 That must have emptied out the old brain pan. 53 00:02:14,167 --> 00:02:15,300 What about you, Elka? 54 00:02:15,300 --> 00:02:18,067 - Sinatra, right? - Nope, nope. 55 00:02:18,067 --> 00:02:20,767 The best orgasm I ever had 56 00:02:20,767 --> 00:02:23,200 was when Joy said she was leaving. 57 00:02:25,267 --> 00:02:26,667 Melanie. 58 00:02:26,667 --> 00:02:28,733 I-I don't wanna...say. 59 00:02:28,733 --> 00:02:30,833 Oh, come on, tell us. 60 00:02:30,833 --> 00:02:32,667 Honestly? Bob. 61 00:02:32,667 --> 00:02:34,600 I mean, I know we only slept together once, 62 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:36,367 but he was amazing. I'm sorry. 63 00:02:36,367 --> 00:02:37,933 Oh, no... 64 00:02:37,933 --> 00:02:39,567 You don't have to be. 65 00:02:39,567 --> 00:02:42,200 I know neither one of you has feelings for the other. 66 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:44,067 Just like you know that if either one of you did, 67 00:02:44,067 --> 00:02:47,633 I would have to cripple you in some disfiguring way. 68 00:02:47,633 --> 00:02:50,667 Ah, this game is fun! 69 00:02:50,667 --> 00:02:53,567 For me, the best was the one who got away. 70 00:02:53,567 --> 00:02:54,867 Johnny Revere. 71 00:02:54,867 --> 00:02:56,400 You know, I read in the tabloids 72 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:58,900 that he's sleeping with a different 20-year-old groupie 73 00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:01,667 every night. I bet he is miserable. 74 00:03:01,667 --> 00:03:04,633 Oh, I'll take that bet. 75 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:07,967 Oh, I'm gonna miss this. 76 00:03:07,967 --> 00:03:10,833 Who can believe we moved here six years ago 77 00:03:10,833 --> 00:03:13,233 just because men in a bar thought we were hot? 78 00:03:13,233 --> 00:03:15,067 The whole city thought we were hot. 79 00:03:15,067 --> 00:03:17,833 And we had a lot more dates here than we would have had in L.A. 80 00:03:17,833 --> 00:03:20,167 Although they haven't all been great. 81 00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:21,500 Remember Pooh Bear? 82 00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:24,967 He walked around in only a T-shirt and nothing else? 83 00:03:24,967 --> 00:03:27,067 Oh, and what about the guy with the foot fetish 84 00:03:27,067 --> 00:03:28,600 who made little outfits for my toes? 85 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:30,600 Ugh... 86 00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:32,267 I've been with an 18-year-old, 87 00:03:32,267 --> 00:03:35,067 a man who dressed up like My Little Pony, 88 00:03:35,067 --> 00:03:36,967 and I almost married a homeless lunatic 89 00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:38,500 just to get a green card. 90 00:03:38,500 --> 00:03:40,067 Excuse me. 91 00:03:40,067 --> 00:03:42,933 Man boobs, webbed hands, human tail, 92 00:03:42,933 --> 00:03:46,767 forehead nose, conjoined twins-- I win. 93 00:03:48,433 --> 00:03:50,767 All right, it's time for me to pull out 94 00:03:50,767 --> 00:03:52,067 the name of the person 95 00:03:52,067 --> 00:03:53,567 who will give the toast at my wedding, 96 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:56,600 the one who will say lovely, wonderful things about me 97 00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:59,700 on the happiest day of my life. 98 00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,567 Melanie! 99 00:04:05,567 --> 00:04:08,267 Yes, it's Melanie! 100 00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:14,900 I mean, it was an honor, but public speaking-- 101 00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:16,700 oh, it makes me crazy nervous. 102 00:04:16,700 --> 00:04:19,067 The last time I did it, I got these sweat stains 103 00:04:19,067 --> 00:04:22,533 that went from my armpits all the way down to my waist. 104 00:04:22,533 --> 00:04:26,200 Oh, not to mention the under-boob sweat crescents? 105 00:04:28,433 --> 00:04:30,600 Why am I telling you this? 106 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:32,067 Don't worry about it. 107 00:04:32,067 --> 00:04:33,700 I'll put it in the same place as your suggestion 108 00:04:33,700 --> 00:04:36,167 of dying in a hideous plane crash. 109 00:04:36,167 --> 00:04:37,767 Good, good. 110 00:04:37,767 --> 00:04:40,833 Anyway, so the night went on, and we played some more games 111 00:04:40,833 --> 00:04:43,833 and then Victoria...boy. 112 00:04:43,833 --> 00:04:46,100 She dropped a really big bombshell on us. 113 00:04:46,100 --> 00:04:48,367 All right, Victoria. Your turn. 114 00:04:48,367 --> 00:04:51,533 "What is one thing you've never told anyone?" 115 00:04:51,533 --> 00:04:53,700 Okay. 116 00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:56,667 I have a major announcement to make. 117 00:04:56,667 --> 00:04:58,233 Uh... 118 00:04:58,233 --> 00:05:02,133 after Joy's wedding, I'm moving back to L.A. 119 00:05:03,667 --> 00:05:05,167 What do you mean, you're moving? 120 00:05:05,167 --> 00:05:07,767 Well, my agent, my manager, my whole team all said 121 00:05:07,767 --> 00:05:10,900 that if I'm serious about reinvigorating my career, 122 00:05:10,900 --> 00:05:12,767 I need to be in L.A. 123 00:05:12,767 --> 00:05:15,067 - But why? - Well, think about it. 124 00:05:15,067 --> 00:05:18,067 If I'm in L.A. and a Scarlett Johansson 125 00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:20,067 or a Natalie Portman drop out of a project, 126 00:05:20,067 --> 00:05:22,400 then who do you think they're gonna call? 127 00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:26,767 You? 128 00:05:26,767 --> 00:05:29,700 Exactly. 129 00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:33,400 Wow. Our house really is splitting up. 130 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,767 We're not even gonna be in the same city. 131 00:05:35,767 --> 00:05:37,533 This wonderful time of us living together 132 00:05:37,533 --> 00:05:39,767 is coming to an end. 133 00:05:39,767 --> 00:05:42,400 Do you think Bob is having this much fun 134 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:45,067 at his bachelor party? 135 00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:49,833 He's with a couple of friends. 136 00:05:49,833 --> 00:05:51,733 I'm not exactly sure what he's doing. 137 00:05:51,733 --> 00:05:54,767 Arrr... 138 00:05:54,767 --> 00:05:56,567 Almost done. You doing okay? 139 00:05:56,567 --> 00:05:58,933 Yeah. Although it might help if you told me again 140 00:05:58,933 --> 00:06:02,067 that I'm a brave little soldier. 141 00:06:02,067 --> 00:06:04,433 You are a brave little soldier. 142 00:06:04,433 --> 00:06:06,900 I like to think so. 143 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:09,067 So you're getting married tomorrow. 144 00:06:09,067 --> 00:06:12,067 Yeah, yeah, to the woman of my dreams. 145 00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:13,833 I'm a lucky man. 146 00:06:13,833 --> 00:06:15,333 You are. She's beautiful. 147 00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:16,833 Oh, I know. 148 00:06:16,833 --> 00:06:19,933 And, if you don't mind me saying, pretty stacked. 149 00:06:19,933 --> 00:06:21,900 Oh, I kn--what? 150 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,933 You're giving me a tattoo of the woman on my right, right? 151 00:06:25,933 --> 00:06:27,367 I thought you said the woman on my right. 152 00:06:27,367 --> 00:06:30,833 Wait--I need to see this tattoo right now. 153 00:06:33,433 --> 00:06:34,967 Aah! 154 00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:40,100 I'm not worried. Bob won't do anything stupid. 155 00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:43,933 You know, he really is an amazing man. 156 00:06:43,933 --> 00:06:45,800 You are very lucky, Joy. 157 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:48,233 Take a shower, Melanie. 158 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:52,533 Well, this has been fun, 159 00:06:52,533 --> 00:06:54,067 but we should really get some sleep. 160 00:06:54,067 --> 00:06:57,300 We're leaving for Paris early tomorrow morning. 161 00:06:59,533 --> 00:07:01,467 - Oh, my God! - What? 162 00:07:01,467 --> 00:07:06,967 I can't get married. I'm having a baby! 163 00:07:09,467 --> 00:07:11,700 * Ba-ba, ba-ba 164 00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:14,933 * Ba-ba, ba-ba 165 00:07:14,933 --> 00:07:15,933 - * Hey! - Wait. 166 00:07:15,933 --> 00:07:17,100 She's pregnant? 167 00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:18,433 You think the fetus texted her 168 00:07:18,433 --> 00:07:20,367 that it's coming out the next day? 169 00:07:20,367 --> 00:07:23,167 That would be the polite thing to do. 170 00:07:23,167 --> 00:07:25,233 They wanted to adopt, and Joy found out 171 00:07:25,233 --> 00:07:27,267 there was a baby available in Las Vegas. 172 00:07:27,267 --> 00:07:29,433 So naturally, she was pretty frantic 173 00:07:29,433 --> 00:07:31,767 as we were getting ready to go to the airport. 174 00:07:31,767 --> 00:07:34,567 Come on, everyone! Move, move, let's go. 175 00:07:34,567 --> 00:07:37,067 Here. Just relax. It's gonna be okay. 176 00:07:37,067 --> 00:07:39,767 Seriously, Victoria? It's 8:00 in the morning. 177 00:07:39,767 --> 00:07:41,533 We have to get to Las Vegas, pick up my baby, 178 00:07:41,533 --> 00:07:43,600 then turn around, fly to Paris for my wedding-- 179 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,067 all in one day! 180 00:07:45,067 --> 00:07:46,333 What, are you saying you don't want the drink? 181 00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:49,267 I'm saying I need a bigger drink! 182 00:07:51,533 --> 00:07:54,567 (Mamie Sue) What do you mean you're not flying with me to Paris? 183 00:07:54,567 --> 00:07:56,067 Why not? 184 00:07:56,067 --> 00:07:57,867 We...have to... 185 00:07:57,867 --> 00:08:00,233 go somewhere with Joy first. 186 00:08:00,233 --> 00:08:03,433 - Where are you going? - I'd rather not say. 187 00:08:03,433 --> 00:08:05,567 It's Vegas, isn't it? 188 00:08:05,567 --> 00:08:06,933 I'm going too. 189 00:08:06,933 --> 00:08:10,100 But Mamie Sue, you have a gambling problem. 190 00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:12,233 It's only a problem if you lose. 191 00:08:12,233 --> 00:08:14,367 I'll see you at the airport. 192 00:08:17,700 --> 00:08:18,867 Joy. 193 00:08:18,867 --> 00:08:20,700 You ready to go get our baby? 194 00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:21,700 Yes, I am! 195 00:08:21,700 --> 00:08:23,133 Ah--ha ha! 196 00:08:23,133 --> 00:08:24,733 What's the matter? 197 00:08:24,733 --> 00:08:26,633 Uh...nothing! 198 00:08:28,167 --> 00:08:30,300 Did you do something last night 199 00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:33,933 you need to get off your chest? 200 00:08:33,933 --> 00:08:35,867 Yes... but now's not the time. 201 00:08:35,867 --> 00:08:37,333 We need to leave. 202 00:08:37,333 --> 00:08:38,900 You're right. We can't miss that plane. 203 00:08:38,900 --> 00:08:40,367 Let's go, everyone! 204 00:08:47,967 --> 00:08:49,300 Dad! 205 00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:50,567 Bob Bob. 206 00:08:50,567 --> 00:08:52,100 What are you doing here? 207 00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:53,367 Well, I thought you should know 208 00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:55,967 before you get married that, uh... 209 00:08:55,967 --> 00:08:59,833 your mother and I have gotten divorced. 210 00:08:59,833 --> 00:09:01,567 (Bob) Divorced? 211 00:09:01,567 --> 00:09:03,900 Why would you wait till now to tell me? 212 00:09:03,900 --> 00:09:05,967 Well, I was afraid that you'd lose 213 00:09:05,967 --> 00:09:08,167 your Canadian reserve 214 00:09:08,167 --> 00:09:11,233 and act like a wild animal. 215 00:09:12,867 --> 00:09:15,267 And I can see I was right. 216 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:19,133 Wait a minute--I thought Bob's dad was deaf. 217 00:09:19,133 --> 00:09:21,633 Oh, he and Bob's mom had that implant surgery 218 00:09:21,633 --> 00:09:23,067 to restore their hearing. 219 00:09:23,067 --> 00:09:25,867 Dad, why would you get divorced after 50 years together? 220 00:09:25,867 --> 00:09:28,300 Well, uh, once we could hear, 221 00:09:28,300 --> 00:09:30,667 your mother and I couldn't stand 222 00:09:30,667 --> 00:09:33,567 the sound of each other's voices. 223 00:09:34,733 --> 00:09:37,567 And now your mother says that, uh, 224 00:09:37,567 --> 00:09:40,433 that--that I... that I have a--an--an 225 00:09:40,433 --> 00:09:44,233 an annoying st-st--uh, stammer. 226 00:09:46,167 --> 00:09:49,133 Can you believe that? 227 00:09:49,133 --> 00:09:50,833 Well, it's good to see you, Dad, 228 00:09:50,833 --> 00:09:53,267 but can we wrap this up? We're in kind of a hurry. 229 00:09:53,267 --> 00:09:55,167 Well, I'm ready to start dating again, 230 00:09:55,167 --> 00:09:58,500 and I thought you could... give me some tips. 231 00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:00,000 Oh... 232 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,667 That's actually quite flattering. 233 00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:04,767 Well, uh, you know, you're kind of a... 234 00:10:04,767 --> 00:10:08,767 a doughy man. 235 00:10:08,767 --> 00:10:11,033 And you have Joy 236 00:10:11,033 --> 00:10:12,433 who--who is... 237 00:10:12,433 --> 00:10:15,967 clearly out of your league. 238 00:10:17,433 --> 00:10:20,167 Somewhat less flattering. 239 00:10:20,167 --> 00:10:23,767 What I'm looking for is loose women 240 00:10:23,767 --> 00:10:26,767 and--and no consequences. 241 00:10:26,767 --> 00:10:29,167 I'm sorry, Mr. Moore, but we have to 242 00:10:29,167 --> 00:10:31,167 leave right now for Las Vegas. 243 00:10:31,167 --> 00:10:34,300 That could work. 244 00:10:37,667 --> 00:10:39,533 (man) Folks, we apologize 245 00:10:39,533 --> 00:10:40,933 for the long delay, but we're still waiting 246 00:10:40,933 --> 00:10:42,667 - for a gate to open up. - Our baby is out there, 247 00:10:42,667 --> 00:10:43,767 and we can't get to her! 248 00:10:43,767 --> 00:10:45,300 I can't take this anymore! 249 00:10:45,300 --> 00:10:48,467 They have to give us a gate soon...it's so hot. 250 00:10:48,467 --> 00:10:50,433 Why don't you unbutton your shirt? 251 00:10:50,433 --> 00:10:53,267 'Cause it's bad luck for the bride to see the groom's chest 252 00:10:53,267 --> 00:10:55,267 before the wedding. 253 00:10:55,267 --> 00:10:58,500 - What? - It's a Canadian thing. 254 00:11:00,433 --> 00:11:01,600 Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! 255 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:03,133 What are you doing? 256 00:11:03,133 --> 00:11:05,833 That's the sound of a slot machine hitting it big. 257 00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:07,367 I'm visualizing winning. 258 00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:10,367 - Ding, ding, ding-- - Could you visualize quieter? 259 00:11:10,367 --> 00:11:13,600 Nope. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding... 260 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:15,867 Ah, this is a disaster. 261 00:11:15,867 --> 00:11:18,400 My phone is out of juice and... 262 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,567 and now I have to resort to reading. 263 00:11:21,933 --> 00:11:24,733 Oh, my God! Look at this. 264 00:11:24,733 --> 00:11:28,300 Johnny Revere is doing a show of all his hits in Vegas. 265 00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:30,433 You gonna go try and see him? 266 00:11:30,433 --> 00:11:31,867 Oh, I can't. 267 00:11:31,867 --> 00:11:34,433 Some big network executive's in Vegas right now. 268 00:11:34,433 --> 00:11:36,733 My agent says I have to meet him. 269 00:11:36,733 --> 00:11:38,733 And plus, I'm doing my own thing 270 00:11:38,733 --> 00:11:41,100 and Johnny's doing his. 271 00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:43,600 Uh...Johnny's your-- your boyfriend? 272 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:45,633 No, no. The last time we saw each other, 273 00:11:45,633 --> 00:11:47,800 we decided it couldn't be. 274 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:50,167 Oh. 275 00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:51,867 So you're... 276 00:11:51,867 --> 00:11:54,667 you're not-- you're not seeing anybody? 277 00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:59,067 Are you coming on to me? 278 00:11:59,067 --> 00:12:02,067 Oh, no. 279 00:12:03,667 --> 00:12:07,600 Should, uh, should-- should I? 280 00:12:11,567 --> 00:12:13,333 Hey, hey, hey, hey, where are you going? 281 00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:14,967 To get our baby. We're busting out of here. 282 00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:16,200 We're popping the exit door. 283 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:18,067 No, but that's for emergencies only! 284 00:12:18,067 --> 00:12:20,700 (Joy) What do you think this is? 285 00:12:27,667 --> 00:12:29,767 I'm sorry about opening the door. 286 00:12:29,767 --> 00:12:31,967 It's just, you know, I was feeling a little hot, 287 00:12:31,967 --> 00:12:34,200 so, uh... no harm, right? 288 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:40,367 You are a brave and wonderful person 289 00:12:40,367 --> 00:12:41,967 for taking the rap for Joy. 290 00:12:41,967 --> 00:12:45,167 And I am 100% there for you. 291 00:12:45,167 --> 00:12:46,467 Well, gotta go. 292 00:12:46,467 --> 00:12:48,733 Wait--wait! Why? 293 00:12:48,733 --> 00:12:51,467 Well, I have my meeting with the network guy. 294 00:12:51,467 --> 00:12:53,067 But you said you'd be there for me. 295 00:12:53,067 --> 00:12:55,200 No, exactly. I'll be there for you. 296 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,967 Just not here for you. 297 00:13:00,633 --> 00:13:02,400 You know what? You guys can go too. 298 00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:05,267 I'll use this time to work on my toast for Joy. 299 00:13:05,267 --> 00:13:08,667 Because a lot of people have written great things in jail. 300 00:13:08,667 --> 00:13:10,133 Like Dr. King. 301 00:13:10,133 --> 00:13:13,633 He wrote Letter from a Birmingham City Jail. 302 00:13:13,633 --> 00:13:15,767 And--and--oh! Martha Stewart! 303 00:13:15,767 --> 00:13:19,133 She wrote a recipe for zesty lemon bars! 304 00:13:19,133 --> 00:13:23,067 Enough chitchat. I need to hit the slots. 305 00:13:24,867 --> 00:13:27,233 And I wanna hit the strip and, you know, 306 00:13:27,233 --> 00:13:29,100 meet some dolls. 307 00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:33,133 But, uh, first I wanna get in my, uh, 308 00:13:33,133 --> 00:13:35,300 party mode. 309 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:40,667 I'll go with you. 310 00:13:40,667 --> 00:13:42,600 If people see you with a hot woman, 311 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,533 they'll think you're rich. 312 00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:47,867 I-I am rich. 313 00:13:47,867 --> 00:13:51,067 And now you're handsome. 314 00:13:52,967 --> 00:13:55,333 Elka, you've been in jail before, 315 00:13:55,333 --> 00:13:57,100 Any advice? 316 00:13:57,100 --> 00:14:01,467 Find the scariest bull bitch in the cell, 317 00:14:01,467 --> 00:14:05,200 and call her sweetheart. 318 00:14:08,633 --> 00:14:10,533 Look at that! 319 00:14:10,533 --> 00:14:13,900 A Tony King slot 4,000. 320 00:14:13,900 --> 00:14:18,067 If you jimmy it like so... 321 00:14:18,067 --> 00:14:20,967 and then give it a good whack... 322 00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:31,800 And that's how you beat the house 323 00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:34,667 with nobody the wiser! 324 00:14:37,267 --> 00:14:41,233 There's a guard behind me, isn't there? 325 00:14:53,333 --> 00:14:55,933 Hi, sweetheart. 326 00:15:04,233 --> 00:15:06,200 Ah, this traffic is terrible. 327 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,167 I know. But in a few hours, 328 00:15:08,167 --> 00:15:09,567 we'll be on a plane to Paris 329 00:15:09,567 --> 00:15:12,067 with our sweet little baby girl. 330 00:15:12,067 --> 00:15:13,533 We'll be singing her lullabies 331 00:15:13,533 --> 00:15:16,700 and cooing her softly to sleep. 332 00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:20,233 Learn to drive, ass! We're in a hurry! 333 00:15:22,833 --> 00:15:24,833 I'm so happy. 334 00:15:35,333 --> 00:15:38,067 So...how are you liking Vegas? 335 00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:39,233 Oh, it--it's wild. 336 00:15:39,233 --> 00:15:41,433 Up until today, I thought-- 337 00:15:41,433 --> 00:15:44,700 I thought Winnipeg was-- was Sin City. 338 00:15:46,733 --> 00:15:50,567 Wild? The only place we've been is the wax museum. 339 00:15:50,567 --> 00:15:53,500 You know that statue of Don Rickles-- 340 00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:56,433 it--it was almost lifelike. 341 00:15:56,433 --> 00:15:59,067 That was Don Rickles. 342 00:15:59,067 --> 00:16:01,567 Oh. 343 00:16:01,567 --> 00:16:04,133 If you're here to pick up women, 344 00:16:04,133 --> 00:16:07,167 how come you've spent the whole day with me? 345 00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:09,267 So far I haven't... 346 00:16:09,267 --> 00:16:12,200 met any women who meet my standards. 347 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:15,233 You have standards? 348 00:16:15,233 --> 00:16:16,633 In the deaf community, 349 00:16:16,633 --> 00:16:21,933 I was known as a smooth-signing ladies' man. 350 00:16:21,933 --> 00:16:23,500 Then prove it. 351 00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:25,700 Pick somebody up. 352 00:16:25,700 --> 00:16:28,800 O-okay, who? 353 00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:31,900 How about our dealer? She's cute. 354 00:16:33,567 --> 00:16:35,500 H-hi. 355 00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:38,367 Could--could I ask you something? 356 00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:44,833 You got arrested for sexual harassment? 357 00:16:44,833 --> 00:16:47,500 Well, I-I was nervous speaking, 358 00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:49,967 so I-I asked her if she minded, 359 00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:54,167 you know, if I-- if I signed. 360 00:16:54,167 --> 00:16:56,367 No. You said, 361 00:16:56,367 --> 00:17:00,867 "Do you mind if I let my fingers do the talking?" 362 00:17:07,100 --> 00:17:10,433 And she--she did. 363 00:17:10,433 --> 00:17:13,067 How come you're here? 364 00:17:13,067 --> 00:17:15,267 I was defending him. 365 00:17:15,267 --> 00:17:17,167 And...words... 366 00:17:17,167 --> 00:17:20,667 were exchanged. 367 00:17:20,667 --> 00:17:22,267 They can't arrest you for that. 368 00:17:22,267 --> 00:17:25,133 Let me finish. 369 00:17:25,133 --> 00:17:28,200 Words...were exchanged... 370 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:30,433 for punches. 371 00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:36,733 That--that bald lesbian at the craps table... 372 00:17:36,733 --> 00:17:41,200 she--she was really impressed. 373 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:45,300 That was also Don Rickles. 374 00:17:50,767 --> 00:17:52,500 Victoria, the network is excited 375 00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:54,500 to be in business with you. 376 00:17:54,500 --> 00:17:55,900 Oh, I'm so glad. 377 00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:57,533 And my agent tells me you're a big fan. 378 00:17:57,533 --> 00:18:00,333 Huge fan. An Oscar, an Emmy. 379 00:18:00,333 --> 00:18:02,767 And I love that Lifetime Original Movie 380 00:18:02,767 --> 00:18:04,633 about the hairdresser turned preacher. 381 00:18:04,633 --> 00:18:07,667 Mm. Lather, Rinse, Repent. 382 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:12,633 So what kind of project are we talking about? 383 00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:13,933 It's very exciting. 384 00:18:13,933 --> 00:18:16,233 We're partnering with a Japanese company, 385 00:18:16,233 --> 00:18:18,600 Ozawa Industrial Brothers. 386 00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:20,733 They want you to star in a show 387 00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:24,500 featuring a product they make called Mrs. Ladypants. 388 00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:26,133 I've never heard of it. 389 00:18:26,133 --> 00:18:29,967 - It's an adult diaper. - It's an absorbent pant. 390 00:18:32,933 --> 00:18:34,533 Oh, excuse me. 391 00:18:34,533 --> 00:18:36,833 I have to get tickets for my mom to see Johnny Revere, 392 00:18:36,833 --> 00:18:38,067 whoever that is. 393 00:18:38,067 --> 00:18:40,333 I'll be back in a few. 394 00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:44,767 Oh, Johnny. 395 00:18:44,767 --> 00:18:47,433 Babe, come out and see the fountain. 396 00:18:47,433 --> 00:18:50,467 Look, there's dolphins in it. 397 00:18:51,433 --> 00:18:53,067 Amazing, right? 398 00:18:53,067 --> 00:18:55,733 I'm gonna go down and take a selfie! 399 00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:02,500 It's a freakin' fountain! 400 00:19:05,900 --> 00:19:07,900 Johnny? 401 00:19:07,900 --> 00:19:09,433 Victoria? 402 00:19:12,633 --> 00:19:14,433 Wow! Look at that. 403 00:19:14,433 --> 00:19:16,533 Johnny Revere is playing in concert! 404 00:19:16,533 --> 00:19:17,833 You know, if we could go see that, 405 00:19:17,833 --> 00:19:21,300 that would make this day perfect. 406 00:19:21,300 --> 00:19:23,233 Not that going to pick up our baby 407 00:19:23,233 --> 00:19:26,567 and getting married isn't perfect enough. 408 00:19:26,567 --> 00:19:29,967 Ugh! This is taking too long. 409 00:19:29,967 --> 00:19:31,267 Here's 50 bucks. 410 00:19:31,267 --> 00:19:32,900 There are no red lights. 411 00:19:34,433 --> 00:19:35,833 Except for that one! 412 00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:48,967 Oh, my God. 413 00:19:48,967 --> 00:19:50,433 Bob? Are you okay? 414 00:19:50,433 --> 00:19:51,467 Ah... 415 00:19:51,467 --> 00:19:54,067 Let me loosen your shirt and tie. 416 00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:55,533 No... 417 00:19:55,533 --> 00:19:58,800 You're going to be okay. You're going to be okay. 418 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,367 You are not gonna be okay. 419 00:20:08,033 --> 00:20:09,767 How upset was Joy? 420 00:20:09,767 --> 00:20:11,633 Was Bob okay? Did they get the baby? 421 00:20:11,633 --> 00:20:13,633 And what about Victoria and Johnny--what about them? 422 00:20:13,633 --> 00:20:15,700 And how'd you and Elka and the others get out of jail? 423 00:20:15,700 --> 00:20:17,200 And I bet you're worried 424 00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:19,367 about how my toast was coming along too, right? 425 00:20:19,367 --> 00:20:22,767 So worried I didn't want to bring it up. 426 00:20:22,767 --> 00:20:24,600 You're sweet. 427 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:27,733 Anyway, the good news is that, yes, Bob was okay. 428 00:20:27,733 --> 00:20:29,800 What were you thinking? 429 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,033 Melanie's face is tattooed on your chest. 430 00:20:32,033 --> 00:20:33,367 I told you it was a mistake. 431 00:20:33,367 --> 00:20:34,833 You know, we're all entitled 432 00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:36,233 to a youthful indiscretion or two. 433 00:20:36,233 --> 00:20:38,133 You only got it last night. 434 00:20:38,133 --> 00:20:41,100 I was younger then! 435 00:20:41,100 --> 00:20:42,233 So every time we make love, 436 00:20:42,233 --> 00:20:43,967 I'm gonna be looking at Melanie. 437 00:20:43,967 --> 00:20:45,967 There are other positions, Joy. 438 00:20:45,967 --> 00:20:47,900 You know, in Canada, we have one called 439 00:20:47,900 --> 00:20:51,100 Reverse Lady Mountie. 440 00:20:51,100 --> 00:20:53,167 - It involves-- - There will be no positions 441 00:20:53,167 --> 00:20:55,200 till that thing's gone. 442 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,333 Fine. I'll get it lasered off. 443 00:20:57,333 --> 00:20:59,267 Or I could add a couple of other dudes 444 00:20:59,267 --> 00:21:01,900 and pass it off as Three Dog Night. 445 00:21:03,667 --> 00:21:05,267 How's the car? Can we go? 446 00:21:05,267 --> 00:21:06,633 It's just a little banged up. 447 00:21:06,633 --> 00:21:07,900 Looks like it'll run fine. 448 00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:11,167 - Oh, crap! 449 00:21:11,167 --> 00:21:13,667 Relax. Just tell him it's a minor fender bender. 450 00:21:13,667 --> 00:21:16,133 You don't get it-- I'm undocumented. 451 00:21:16,133 --> 00:21:19,067 Good luck with the baby. 452 00:21:19,067 --> 00:21:22,067 Damn it! We're never gonna get there! 453 00:21:22,067 --> 00:21:23,767 No baby, no plane, no wedding. 454 00:21:23,767 --> 00:21:25,267 Everything's going wrong, 455 00:21:25,267 --> 00:21:27,967 just like it always does when I'm about to be happy. 456 00:21:29,567 --> 00:21:32,067 Bob, where are you going? 457 00:21:32,067 --> 00:21:34,433 Don't worry, Joy. 458 00:21:34,433 --> 00:21:37,300 I'll explain everything to the police. 459 00:21:37,300 --> 00:21:38,967 You can't drive. This isn't your cab! 460 00:21:38,967 --> 00:21:40,900 I am a desperate, tattooed immigrant 461 00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:42,233 who just pissed off a woman. 462 00:21:42,233 --> 00:21:45,367 I think I can pass as a cabbie. 463 00:21:48,433 --> 00:21:50,767 Hey, you know what? Since you guys are here, 464 00:21:50,767 --> 00:21:51,933 maybe you can give me some feedback 465 00:21:51,933 --> 00:21:53,600 on my wedding toast for Joy. 466 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,133 You know, 'cause everyone tells me to write from the heart, 467 00:21:56,133 --> 00:21:58,067 so that's what I did. 468 00:21:58,067 --> 00:22:00,833 "Joy, don't leave me. 469 00:22:00,833 --> 00:22:03,900 "I know this might be the happiest day of your life, 470 00:22:03,900 --> 00:22:06,133 "but it's the saddest day of mine. 471 00:22:06,133 --> 00:22:07,900 "But you obviously don't care about that, 472 00:22:07,900 --> 00:22:12,200 or me, so let's just raise a glass to Joy and Bob." 473 00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:17,367 Melanie, you're making jail sad. 474 00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:22,700 Please, you have got to let me out 475 00:22:22,700 --> 00:22:24,233 so I can get on that plane 476 00:22:24,233 --> 00:22:26,500 and give this toast tomorrow at my friend's wedding! 477 00:22:26,500 --> 00:22:29,233 I think I'm doing her a favor. 478 00:22:30,967 --> 00:22:33,200 I'm going crazy. 479 00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:35,967 Just behind these bars is a wonderful world of sin, 480 00:22:35,967 --> 00:22:39,067 and I can't even get a glimpse of it. 481 00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:42,833 I feel the same way. 482 00:22:42,833 --> 00:22:44,833 Are you a gambler too, Bob? 483 00:22:44,833 --> 00:22:46,833 Uh, no, no, uh... 484 00:22:46,833 --> 00:22:49,300 ladies' man. 485 00:22:54,167 --> 00:22:55,500 Why are you in the women's jail? 486 00:22:55,500 --> 00:22:59,100 They...said I wasn't a threat. 487 00:23:03,933 --> 00:23:06,067 Mayor Elka Ostrovsky, Bob Moore? 488 00:23:06,067 --> 00:23:07,567 You're free to go. 489 00:23:07,567 --> 00:23:08,933 Casino dropped the charges against the two of you. 490 00:23:08,933 --> 00:23:10,733 Wait, wait, wait-- so they can just go? 491 00:23:10,733 --> 00:23:12,133 How did that happen? 492 00:23:12,133 --> 00:23:14,133 I have no idea! 493 00:23:14,133 --> 00:23:16,433 You agreed to testify against her. 494 00:23:19,167 --> 00:23:22,067 Maybe that's why. 495 00:23:24,333 --> 00:23:26,700 Come on, Bob, drive faster! 496 00:23:26,700 --> 00:23:29,067 You know, contrary to popular belief, 497 00:23:29,067 --> 00:23:32,133 going faster will not lower your fare. 498 00:23:32,133 --> 00:23:33,567 You've got the meter running? 499 00:23:33,567 --> 00:23:36,300 That's what a real cabbie would do. 500 00:23:36,300 --> 00:23:37,667 Go through that red light! 501 00:23:37,667 --> 00:23:40,600 Have you learned nothing, Joy? 502 00:23:41,767 --> 00:23:43,167 (woman) I'm sorry. 503 00:23:43,167 --> 00:23:44,600 This is an emergency. 504 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:46,433 Take me to the hospital. I'm in labor. 505 00:23:46,433 --> 00:23:48,433 Oh, I'm sorry, we'd love to, but we can't. 506 00:23:48,433 --> 00:23:49,900 We're going to adopt a baby. 507 00:23:49,900 --> 00:23:51,933 I'm going to have a baby. 508 00:23:51,933 --> 00:23:55,167 Uh-oh! I don't think I'm gonna make it to the hospital! 509 00:23:55,167 --> 00:23:56,300 - You will. - I won't! 510 00:23:56,300 --> 00:23:57,633 - You will! - I won't! 511 00:23:57,633 --> 00:23:58,700 You will! 512 00:23:58,700 --> 00:24:01,167 She didn't. 513 00:24:01,167 --> 00:24:02,900 Bob delivered the baby in the cab. 514 00:24:02,900 --> 00:24:05,567 So did Bob and Joy make it to the adoption agency? 515 00:24:05,567 --> 00:24:06,800 Slow down! 516 00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:09,067 I need to catch up on Victoria and Johnny. 517 00:24:09,067 --> 00:24:11,433 Wow! Victoria, you look amazing. 518 00:24:11,433 --> 00:24:13,467 - Yeah, you too. - So... 519 00:24:13,467 --> 00:24:14,767 What are you doing here in Vegas? 520 00:24:14,767 --> 00:24:17,400 Oh, the usual career song and dance. 521 00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:19,767 I talked myself into being excited about it, 522 00:24:19,767 --> 00:24:22,067 but now...I don't know. 523 00:24:22,067 --> 00:24:23,300 Yeah. I know what you mean. 524 00:24:23,300 --> 00:24:25,833 Oh, please! Your life seems great. 525 00:24:25,833 --> 00:24:27,300 You got a Vegas show 526 00:24:27,300 --> 00:24:29,500 and that pretty young thing. 527 00:24:29,500 --> 00:24:31,367 I do hope she's getting college credit 528 00:24:31,367 --> 00:24:33,333 for this relationship. 529 00:24:34,967 --> 00:24:37,633 Well, it's, uh, not really a relationship. 530 00:24:37,633 --> 00:24:40,367 I mean, more like just marking time. 531 00:24:40,367 --> 00:24:43,067 Oh, but I bet she thinks it's special. 532 00:24:43,067 --> 00:24:45,633 After all, I was that girl once. 533 00:24:45,633 --> 00:24:46,933 With you. 534 00:24:46,933 --> 00:24:49,433 I mean, that's how we met, remember? 535 00:24:49,433 --> 00:24:51,367 - Mm-hmm. - It's really funny, 536 00:24:51,367 --> 00:24:54,100 but when I see you, I feel like that same girl 537 00:24:54,100 --> 00:24:56,600 who climbed onto Johnny Revere's balcony 538 00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:59,067 and...spent the night with him. 539 00:24:59,067 --> 00:25:00,967 And when I look at you, 540 00:25:00,967 --> 00:25:03,833 I'm still the same guy that's glad you did. 541 00:25:06,667 --> 00:25:08,267 What the hell are you doing? 542 00:25:08,267 --> 00:25:09,600 Climbing onto your balcony. 543 00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:11,900 Are you crazy? We're ten floors up! 544 00:25:11,900 --> 00:25:14,067 There's a connecting door. 545 00:25:14,067 --> 00:25:16,767 That's for old people. 546 00:25:16,767 --> 00:25:18,667 Reach over and help me. 547 00:25:22,667 --> 00:25:25,100 - Now what do we do? - Oh, I can't hang on! 548 00:25:25,100 --> 00:25:27,400 - Aah! - Whoa! 549 00:25:42,367 --> 00:25:43,633 Those dolphins really scattered 550 00:25:43,633 --> 00:25:46,367 when we hit the water. 551 00:25:46,367 --> 00:25:49,467 At least we got through it without being recognized. 552 00:25:49,467 --> 00:25:52,667 Mrs. Ladypants! 553 00:25:52,667 --> 00:25:55,433 Uh...I'm the commercial spokesperson 554 00:25:55,433 --> 00:25:58,533 for a certain product in Japan. 555 00:25:58,533 --> 00:26:00,867 Happy Penis Pow Pow! 556 00:26:04,067 --> 00:26:05,867 So am I. 557 00:26:07,633 --> 00:26:10,567 I'm worried... no woman will ever want me, 558 00:26:10,567 --> 00:26:12,300 you know, now that... 559 00:26:12,300 --> 00:26:14,800 I've been in prison. 560 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:16,367 Oh, don't worry! 561 00:26:16,367 --> 00:26:19,567 Women love bad boys. 562 00:26:19,567 --> 00:26:21,900 Look, Elka, I know you think of me 563 00:26:21,900 --> 00:26:25,200 as a suave, sophisticated 564 00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:27,400 chick magnet... 565 00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:29,567 Sure. 566 00:26:31,267 --> 00:26:33,333 But it's--it's a pose. 567 00:26:33,333 --> 00:26:36,500 I-I have no game. 568 00:26:36,500 --> 00:26:38,933 I'll bet you do. 569 00:26:38,933 --> 00:26:43,367 Give me your best line. 570 00:26:43,367 --> 00:26:45,567 Damn, girl... 571 00:26:45,567 --> 00:26:47,867 if you were a vegetable, 572 00:26:47,867 --> 00:26:51,200 you'd be a legplant. 573 00:26:55,700 --> 00:26:57,400 We made it! We're here. 574 00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:59,067 We're ready to adopt our baby. 575 00:26:59,067 --> 00:27:00,867 Joy Scroggs and Bob Moore. 576 00:27:00,867 --> 00:27:03,067 We're gonna be amazing parents. 577 00:27:03,067 --> 00:27:04,967 - Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm sorry we're late. 578 00:27:04,967 --> 00:27:06,933 We stopped to help a pregnant woman in labor. 579 00:27:06,933 --> 00:27:08,433 We delivered the baby 580 00:27:08,433 --> 00:27:11,500 and didn't steal it like we wanted to. 581 00:27:11,500 --> 00:27:14,767 Can't hurt to put that in our file--extra credit. 582 00:27:14,767 --> 00:27:16,133 You know, actually, I did notice 583 00:27:16,133 --> 00:27:17,967 there is one document missing from your file. 584 00:27:17,967 --> 00:27:19,700 There's no marriage certificate. 585 00:27:19,700 --> 00:27:22,567 Oh, don't worry about that. We're getting married tomorrow. 586 00:27:22,567 --> 00:27:24,667 Oh. I do need to have that certificate 587 00:27:24,667 --> 00:27:26,567 before we can bring you your baby. 588 00:27:26,567 --> 00:27:30,167 What kind of adoption agency demands a marriage certificate? 589 00:27:30,167 --> 00:27:33,400 A very old-fashioned Catholic one. 590 00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:35,067 I can't believe this! 591 00:27:35,067 --> 00:27:36,900 We had to break out of an airplane 592 00:27:36,900 --> 00:27:38,967 and steal a cab and deliver a baby, 593 00:27:38,967 --> 00:27:40,467 and now none of that even matters 594 00:27:40,467 --> 00:27:41,800 because we're not married! 595 00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:42,900 It's fine. We'll get married. 596 00:27:42,900 --> 00:27:44,233 Oh, come on, Bob! 597 00:27:44,233 --> 00:27:45,733 Where are we gonna get married 598 00:27:45,733 --> 00:27:48,233 on a moment's notice in Vegas? 599 00:27:48,233 --> 00:27:49,667 Oh, yeah! 600 00:27:49,667 --> 00:27:52,300 - We'll be back. - Don't give away our baby. 601 00:27:54,067 --> 00:27:56,167 - Wow, this is nice. - Mmm. 602 00:27:56,167 --> 00:27:57,800 You know, when I was a little girl, 603 00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:00,533 I used to stare up at the stars and dream. 604 00:28:00,533 --> 00:28:02,400 What'd you dream about? 605 00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:05,667 Being a famous actress and... 606 00:28:05,667 --> 00:28:08,367 being happy. 607 00:28:08,367 --> 00:28:10,100 And I just keep thinking 608 00:28:10,100 --> 00:28:11,800 how am I ever gonna get the second one 609 00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,500 if I keep on chasing the first? 610 00:28:14,500 --> 00:28:17,767 Even now, I'm trying to charm my way into a role 611 00:28:17,767 --> 00:28:20,133 on some show in L.A. 612 00:28:20,133 --> 00:28:23,633 It's just always the same old, same old. 613 00:28:23,633 --> 00:28:25,067 It is, isn't it? 614 00:28:25,067 --> 00:28:26,967 I mean, every night I go onstage 615 00:28:26,967 --> 00:28:28,400 with the same red blazer, 616 00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:32,100 the same Ray-Bans I've worn for 30 years. 617 00:28:32,100 --> 00:28:35,100 And the hotel wants three more years. 618 00:28:35,100 --> 00:28:37,800 Why are we still on this hamster wheel? 619 00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:41,067 What are we looking for? 620 00:28:42,567 --> 00:28:47,067 Maybe what we're looking for is right in front of us. 621 00:28:47,067 --> 00:28:49,833 Do you remember when we almost ran away together, 622 00:28:49,833 --> 00:28:51,767 but we didn't because we both decided 623 00:28:51,767 --> 00:28:53,833 to put our careers first? 624 00:28:53,833 --> 00:28:56,233 I think about it all the time. 625 00:28:56,233 --> 00:28:59,233 Well, I don't want to make that mistake again. 626 00:28:59,233 --> 00:29:03,300 So how about...we just get off that damn hamster wheel? 627 00:29:03,300 --> 00:29:06,833 And...get onto each other? 628 00:29:07,867 --> 00:29:09,767 Oh, Johnny. 629 00:29:09,767 --> 00:29:11,467 You always did save your romantic lines 630 00:29:11,467 --> 00:29:13,100 for your songs. 631 00:29:15,767 --> 00:29:17,733 Okay, girls, your pimp just posted bail. 632 00:29:17,733 --> 00:29:19,267 You're free to leave. 633 00:29:24,500 --> 00:29:29,467 Excuse me--we are also ladies of the evening. 634 00:29:29,467 --> 00:29:31,100 I don't think so. 635 00:29:31,100 --> 00:29:32,633 You know what, Mamie Sue, it's okay. 636 00:29:32,633 --> 00:29:35,067 This'll just give me more time to work on my toast. 637 00:29:35,067 --> 00:29:39,300 No, not the toast again. Get out, you two whores! 638 00:29:46,700 --> 00:29:49,233 Oh, I could lie here with you forever. 639 00:29:50,767 --> 00:29:53,100 Me too. 640 00:29:58,833 --> 00:30:01,733 But we can't! We have to get to a wedding! 641 00:30:02,967 --> 00:30:04,367 Okay, old friend, 642 00:30:04,367 --> 00:30:07,600 I believe we have some unfinished business. 643 00:30:08,833 --> 00:30:10,067 Not now, Mamie Sue! 644 00:30:10,067 --> 00:30:12,433 We have to get to a wedding! 645 00:30:17,667 --> 00:30:19,667 We have to get married right away! 646 00:30:19,667 --> 00:30:23,733 Sounds like you two have a hunka hunka burnin' love. 647 00:30:23,733 --> 00:30:26,167 Oh, bloody hell. 648 00:30:26,167 --> 00:30:28,433 Listen, Elvis, we need to get married 649 00:30:28,433 --> 00:30:30,100 so we can get a baby. 650 00:30:30,100 --> 00:30:32,633 Old-fashioned values. I like it. 651 00:30:32,633 --> 00:30:35,300 But we got a promise ring convention in town. 652 00:30:35,300 --> 00:30:37,167 They're in love... 653 00:30:37,167 --> 00:30:39,300 We're all booked up. 654 00:30:39,300 --> 00:30:40,533 I'm going in. 655 00:30:40,533 --> 00:30:43,133 Those two young virgins will have to wait! 656 00:30:49,100 --> 00:30:50,133 Dad? 657 00:30:50,133 --> 00:30:52,733 Elka? You're getting married? 658 00:30:52,733 --> 00:30:55,900 Well, there's my something old. 659 00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:05,067 I can't believe you're getting married. 660 00:31:05,067 --> 00:31:07,167 Wow! Johnny Revere! 661 00:31:07,167 --> 00:31:09,233 Huge fan! 662 00:31:09,233 --> 00:31:10,867 You know, I lost my virginity 663 00:31:10,867 --> 00:31:13,967 to I Love Makin' Love. 664 00:31:13,967 --> 00:31:16,767 That song came out ten years ago. 665 00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:23,267 So...good year for both of us. 666 00:31:24,567 --> 00:31:26,967 - Focus, Bob! - Yes. 667 00:31:26,967 --> 00:31:28,433 How did this happen? 668 00:31:28,433 --> 00:31:30,633 Well, it's quite a story. 669 00:31:30,633 --> 00:31:33,267 Um...we were, um... 670 00:31:33,267 --> 00:31:37,200 we--we were at the-- at the baccarat table, 671 00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:38,633 at the... 672 00:31:38,633 --> 00:31:41,900 the casino, you know, where--where the theme is-- 673 00:31:41,900 --> 00:31:45,467 Oh, someone's got to speed this up! 674 00:31:47,767 --> 00:31:50,833 Elka volunteered to help him find the perfect woman. 675 00:31:50,833 --> 00:31:52,633 Turns out it was me. 676 00:31:53,867 --> 00:31:56,767 Yeah, I realized what I was looking for was... 677 00:31:56,767 --> 00:31:58,700 was right in front of me. 678 00:32:00,367 --> 00:32:02,567 Oh, we know the feeling. 679 00:32:02,567 --> 00:32:05,267 Great. Everyone's in love except for Melanie. 680 00:32:06,900 --> 00:32:08,633 Was that really necessary? 681 00:32:08,633 --> 00:32:10,533 Look, we need to get married first, 682 00:32:10,533 --> 00:32:11,967 because we need a baby. 683 00:32:11,967 --> 00:32:14,800 And we need to get married fast because we're... 684 00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:17,400 in our 80s. 685 00:32:19,267 --> 00:32:21,367 80s? 686 00:32:21,367 --> 00:32:23,500 He doesn't know. 687 00:32:24,767 --> 00:32:27,167 So who's getting married first? 688 00:32:27,167 --> 00:32:28,767 You could make it a double wedding. 689 00:32:28,767 --> 00:32:31,367 That'll give us more time for gambling. 690 00:32:33,100 --> 00:32:35,433 Okay, fine! 691 00:32:36,700 --> 00:32:38,600 This is so exciting! 692 00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:40,833 I wonder what fake celebrity they'll get 693 00:32:40,833 --> 00:32:41,800 to marry you. 694 00:32:46,100 --> 00:32:48,933 Who here loves makin' love? 695 00:32:50,900 --> 00:32:52,300 Oh! It's you! 696 00:32:52,300 --> 00:32:54,067 Which one of you is Bob Moore? 697 00:32:54,067 --> 00:32:55,867 - I am. - I am. 698 00:32:55,867 --> 00:32:59,833 I-I'm Bob and he's--he's Bob Bob. 699 00:33:01,533 --> 00:33:04,200 You know, I don't wanna be Bob Bob anymore. 700 00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:06,333 Sounds like somebody you can boss around. 701 00:33:06,333 --> 00:33:08,733 - Would you quit wasting time? - Yes, dear. 702 00:33:10,967 --> 00:33:14,167 Hey, why don't you and I get married too? 703 00:33:14,167 --> 00:33:16,733 Oh! Oh, Johnny! 704 00:33:16,733 --> 00:33:18,433 Yes! 705 00:33:21,433 --> 00:33:23,400 But not now. We're stars. 706 00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:24,700 I mean, we can't have a wedding 707 00:33:24,700 --> 00:33:26,100 where the biggest celebrity guest 708 00:33:26,100 --> 00:33:27,767 is a 93-year-old mayor. 709 00:33:27,767 --> 00:33:31,900 9--93? 710 00:33:31,900 --> 00:33:33,967 Damn it, Victoria! 711 00:33:40,700 --> 00:33:42,833 I now pronounce you man and wife 712 00:33:42,833 --> 00:33:44,567 and man and wife. 713 00:33:44,567 --> 00:33:46,433 - Yay! 714 00:33:46,433 --> 00:33:49,067 - Congratulations! - Congratulations! 715 00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:53,633 Bob, we've got to go. 716 00:33:53,633 --> 00:33:56,533 Yes, you do. Go pick up my granddaughter. 717 00:33:56,533 --> 00:33:59,300 - Granddaughter? - Oh, my God! 718 00:33:59,300 --> 00:34:01,900 Elka's your mother-in-law! 719 00:34:04,833 --> 00:34:07,567 Call me Mom! 720 00:34:16,300 --> 00:34:17,700 I can't believe we're married. 721 00:34:17,700 --> 00:34:19,233 You can't believe it? What about me? 722 00:34:19,233 --> 00:34:21,733 First time I saw you, I imagined this moment 723 00:34:21,733 --> 00:34:24,167 and I thought, "No way." 724 00:34:24,167 --> 00:34:25,667 Now that it's actually happening, 725 00:34:25,667 --> 00:34:27,833 you know what I'm thinking? 726 00:34:27,833 --> 00:34:30,200 - "No way." - Oh, Bob. 727 00:34:32,067 --> 00:34:35,967 (woman) Mr. and Mrs. Moore? 728 00:34:35,967 --> 00:34:39,233 Mrs. Moore. That's me! 729 00:34:39,233 --> 00:34:43,167 I'm not Scroggs anymore. I'm Scroggs-free! 730 00:34:43,167 --> 00:34:45,167 Would you like to meet your daughter? 731 00:34:46,633 --> 00:34:48,367 Oh, God! 732 00:34:48,367 --> 00:34:51,233 Oh, God! 733 00:34:54,333 --> 00:34:56,467 Oh, my gosh. 734 00:34:56,467 --> 00:34:58,300 Congratulations, you two. 735 00:34:58,300 --> 00:35:00,367 Oh, thank you. 736 00:35:02,233 --> 00:35:05,400 Would you look at her? 737 00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:07,433 All the babies in the world, 738 00:35:07,433 --> 00:35:09,533 and we got the best one. 739 00:35:09,533 --> 00:35:11,567 I think so too. 740 00:35:11,567 --> 00:35:13,700 - Our little girl! - I know. 741 00:35:14,933 --> 00:35:17,700 I am gonna take care of you and love you 742 00:35:17,700 --> 00:35:20,067 and protect you forever. 743 00:35:20,067 --> 00:35:23,167 And I'm gonna teach you to wait for the right man 744 00:35:23,167 --> 00:35:26,300 even if it takes a really long time. 745 00:35:26,300 --> 00:35:28,700 Happy? 746 00:35:28,700 --> 00:35:30,233 So happy. 747 00:35:30,233 --> 00:35:33,500 All the stupid mistakes I've made in my life, 748 00:35:33,500 --> 00:35:35,100 all the regrets..... 749 00:35:35,100 --> 00:35:37,267 I wouldn't change any of them. 750 00:35:37,267 --> 00:35:39,433 'Cause they got me to this moment. 751 00:35:39,433 --> 00:35:41,700 You're right. 752 00:35:41,700 --> 00:35:44,400 Little things like... getting a tattoo 753 00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:45,833 of another woman on your chest 754 00:35:45,833 --> 00:35:48,433 just seem so unimportant right now. 755 00:35:48,433 --> 00:35:51,200 Nice try. 756 00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:53,300 Well, maybe on our honeymoon I'll get a tan 757 00:35:53,300 --> 00:35:56,767 and we can tell people it's Bob Marley. 758 00:35:56,767 --> 00:35:59,200 Oh, my God! Our honeymoon, Paris! 759 00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:01,467 - Ah! - We've got a plane to catch. 760 00:36:09,633 --> 00:36:10,867 Do you have a name yet? 761 00:36:10,867 --> 00:36:12,467 Yes. Elizabeth. 762 00:36:12,467 --> 00:36:14,700 But I think we're gonna call her Betty. 763 00:36:15,933 --> 00:36:18,267 Never met a Betty I didn't like. 764 00:36:18,267 --> 00:36:21,400 And they're always so pretty. 765 00:36:22,900 --> 00:36:25,067 Seems so unreal to me... 766 00:36:25,067 --> 00:36:28,400 flying to Paris again with all of you. 767 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:31,933 Only this time with a baby and a wonderful man. 768 00:36:31,933 --> 00:36:33,700 The last time we were on this plane, 769 00:36:33,700 --> 00:36:35,400 we were all so unhappy. 770 00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:38,167 Oh, we felt invisible and unwanted. 771 00:36:38,167 --> 00:36:40,833 We thought our best years were behind us. 772 00:36:40,833 --> 00:36:44,900 And then we crash-landed in Cleveland, of all places! 773 00:36:44,900 --> 00:36:46,433 And met Elka... 774 00:36:46,433 --> 00:36:49,767 and had all kinds of adventures and romances 775 00:36:49,767 --> 00:36:52,533 and career changes and... 776 00:36:52,533 --> 00:36:55,767 we became the people we are today. 777 00:36:57,067 --> 00:37:00,233 And now our lives are gonna change again. 778 00:37:01,967 --> 00:37:04,600 I just want you all to know that... 779 00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:07,567 I have never learned more 780 00:37:07,567 --> 00:37:10,467 or laughed harder 781 00:37:10,467 --> 00:37:12,100 or had as much damn fun 782 00:37:12,100 --> 00:37:14,600 as I've had in the last six years! 783 00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:16,267 I mean, 784 00:37:16,267 --> 00:37:17,800 we doubled each other's joys, 785 00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:20,867 and we halved each other's sorrows. 786 00:37:20,867 --> 00:37:23,333 So, yeah, things are gonna change, but... 787 00:37:23,333 --> 00:37:28,900 I know one thing that will never change. 788 00:37:28,900 --> 00:37:31,567 You're my friends. 789 00:37:31,567 --> 00:37:35,067 You're my family. 790 00:37:35,067 --> 00:37:37,800 You really are the loves of my life. 791 00:37:39,233 --> 00:37:42,300 I love you. 792 00:37:42,300 --> 00:37:44,167 Oh, Melanie. 793 00:37:44,167 --> 00:37:45,067 To us. 794 00:37:45,067 --> 00:37:47,067 (all) To us! 795 00:37:49,133 --> 00:37:51,067 Oh, and now I gotta get busy 796 00:37:51,067 --> 00:37:53,133 working on my stupid toast. 797 00:37:53,133 --> 00:37:56,133 I think that was your stupid toast. 798 00:37:56,133 --> 00:37:57,667 You're right, you're right! 799 00:37:57,667 --> 00:37:59,133 Okay, just forget you ever heard it, 800 00:37:59,133 --> 00:38:00,667 'cause I'm gonna go write it down. 801 00:38:02,067 --> 00:38:03,267 (captain) This is Captain Reid speaking. 802 00:38:03,267 --> 00:38:04,733 All passengers and flight attendants 803 00:38:04,733 --> 00:38:07,300 please take your seats and fasten your seatbelts. 804 00:38:07,300 --> 00:38:09,500 Hey, I think I got my toast. 805 00:38:09,500 --> 00:38:10,767 I had no doubt. 806 00:38:10,767 --> 00:38:13,100 So how does your story end? 807 00:38:14,100 --> 00:38:16,567 Um...I don't know. 808 00:38:16,567 --> 00:38:20,300 I have a feeling something big is about to happen. 809 00:38:23,500 --> 00:38:24,633 Okay, don't worry. 810 00:38:24,633 --> 00:38:26,067 The plane's not gonna crash. 811 00:38:26,067 --> 00:38:27,533 I mean, lightning does not strike twice. 812 00:38:30,533 --> 00:38:32,133 Oh! 813 00:38:32,133 --> 00:38:34,067 I'm scared. 814 00:38:34,067 --> 00:38:36,167 It's gonna be okay. Take my hand. 815 00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:47,433 * Ooh, you make me live 816 00:38:47,433 --> 00:38:51,300 * Whatever this world can give to me * 817 00:38:51,300 --> 00:38:55,600 * It's you, you're all I see * 818 00:38:55,600 --> 00:39:00,067 * Ooh, you make me live, now, honey * 819 00:39:00,067 --> 00:39:02,367 * Ooh, you make me live 820 00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:07,267 * Oh, you're the best friend * 821 00:39:07,267 --> 00:39:09,633 * That I ever had 822 00:39:09,633 --> 00:39:13,233 * I've been with you such a long time * 823 00:39:13,233 --> 00:39:15,300 * You're my sunshine * 824 00:39:15,300 --> 00:39:17,367 * And I want you to know 825 00:39:17,367 --> 00:39:19,700 * That my feelings are true 826 00:39:19,700 --> 00:39:22,700 * I really love you 827 00:39:22,700 --> 00:39:24,333 - * Ooh - * Oh 828 00:39:24,333 --> 00:39:26,633 * You're my best friend * 829 00:39:29,100 --> 00:39:31,433 * Ooh, you make me live 830 00:39:31,433 --> 00:39:35,200 * Ooh, I've been wandering round * 831 00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:38,433 * But I still come back to you * 832 00:39:38,433 --> 00:39:40,333 God, that was fun. 833 00:39:40,333 --> 00:39:42,500 It truly was. 834 00:39:42,500 --> 00:39:44,567 I loved it. 835 00:39:44,567 --> 00:39:46,667 Same time next week? 836 00:39:46,667 --> 00:39:48,300 - You bet. - Why not? 837 00:39:48,300 --> 00:39:50,567 - Let's do it. - Wednesdays are our nights. 838 00:39:50,567 --> 00:39:52,633 (Melanie) Yeah. I like Wednesdays. 839 00:40:07,567 --> 00:40:09,767 * Ba-ba, ba-ba 840 00:40:09,767 --> 00:40:12,200 * Ba-ba, ba-ba 841 00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,433 * Ba-ba, ba-ba 842 00:40:19,433 --> 00:40:21,833 * Ba-ba, ba-ba 843 00:40:29,700 --> 00:40:31,067 * Hey!